Resiliency is a trait that some of us have in spades, but
there are times when all of us wobble more than we would like. Interestingly, it can’t always be measured by
the size of the crisis. In fact, I
remember my mom was rock-steady during the “big issues” but had a hard time
dealing with everyday hurdles.
Resiliency is developed through childhood support and
experiences. And yet, we’ve all known
someone who was raised in a very challenging environment, who is extremely
resilient – and vise-versa. We know
people who have been raised in “good homes” with strong support of parents who
lead by example. Even so, we can site
examples where those folks can’t deal with even the small problems of
life. Factors may also be genetic and
even hormonal. In fact, it’s almost
impossible to figure out who will turn out to be resilient and when resiliency
will show itself or falter.
It’s important to realize that even the strongest person
will have times, when their confidence, positive attitude and drive may
lessen. Of course, as a counselor, I am
supposed to tell you it is the time to see a counselor – and of course, that is
an option. But just recognizing the
problem, dissecting the reasons for it, and asking for support from friends and
loved ones may get you through.
The first step is to check your physical health. Thyroid problems, hormonal issues, high blood
pressure, low blood pressure, etc. can all cause us to feel less able to handle
life’s problems. The second step is to
evaluate your responsibilities. If you
are the person everyone believes can handle “it all” – let me be the first to
tell you, you can’t! Are you taking care
of children, of parents, of a job, of pets, of volunteer activities, of all
your friends, of all your pets, of your house?
Even you may have taken on too much!
“No” is an extremely healthy word. And “I need some help” is an even healthier
phrase. It is okay to ask more and
expect more of your spouse, children, siblings and friends. Honestly, the people around you may have
gotten lazy and comfortable knowing you will take care of things. But they love you – and will help you – if you
let them know you need it.
And yes, the dreaded exercise is necessary. Even when you are tired and have no energy,
it must happen. It does make you feel
better. You know it, and I know it. Along the same lines, you have to look at
what you are eating and drinking – too much sugar, caffeine, alcohol? Not enough veggies and fruits? Take it from me – I am a chocolate fiend and hate
most vegetables. When I catch myself
letting good habits slip, I have to look at what I am consuming and do an
about-face. I hate to exercise but know
when I don’t do something 4-5 days a week, my energy level and ability to deal
with stress go down, dramatically.
Conversely, you must take time for down-time. Whether it is
reading a book, seeing a movie, going to yoga classes, painting a picture –
whatever activity works for you – take time to calm down – re-set yourself –
daily, if possible, a few times a week, at a minimum.
And yes, after all that, or in conjunction with it, don’t’
be afraid to get some help from a mental health professional. We all need a little help, now and then. It is not weak to ask for help – from friends,
family and/or professionals. It is
actually a sign of strength – yes – of resiliency!
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