Friday, April 27, 2018

72 Days After Our Tragedy

I write this blog post from my perspective.  I am:
·       A Mom of a  Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School Student
·       A Parkland/Coral Springs Community Member
·       A Mental Health Counselor
72 days ago, a shooter took the lives of 17 Stoneman Douglas students, injured 17 others and changed the mental perspective of every student, teacher, worker, parent, and community member in our area.  Our once unknown little town – the one I always described to others as a modern day “Leave it to Beaver” kind of place – is now full of anxiety, tension and conflict.  There is healing that needs to happen, and in my own small way, I wanted to try to offer suggestions.  At the end of this post are some resources.
The Students and Staff – Each person experienced this traumatic day differently.  Some were directly in the line of fire, and some didn’t hear gun fire from their location.  This doesn’t necessarily correlate to the amount of mental health issues that will surface after the fact.  Each person processes events with different levels of sensitivity and resiliency.  One student may have been in the 1200 building watching the events transpire, and she is now back to playing soccer and excelling at school. Another student might have run off the campus at the start of the events, and he is not able to attend school most days.  There is no right or wrong, and there is no set amount of time that will “make it all better.”  Support, counseling, development of coping skills, processing through techniques such as CBT Trauma Training and EMDR, and time are elements that can help these people move forward. 
Family Members – I hear from friends and read on Facebook a high level of stress and anxiety from family members, especially parents.  As a parent of one of the students on campus that day, I can relate.  Our adrenaline kicked in, when our children were in immediate danger.  We did what we do best – we took care of them.  We picked them up, hugged them, got them counseling, called them in sick when they couldn’t go to school, etc. But now, the stress and pressure of almost losing our kids seems to be sinking in.  Our safe little haven seems scary and unsafe. 
It is time, if you have not already done so, to take care of yourself!  Your kids and you are being affected by your anxiety levels.  Please take advantage of the group counseling opportunities being offered or seek private counseling.  Get back to your exercise routine and practice relaxation techniques to get enough sleep.
Community Members – On a positive note, there are several groups trying to do good things, since the tragedy.  Some are trying to change laws and policies.  Some are increasing awareness for issues they believe are at the center of the problem.  Many are raising money to help victims, survivors, causes, changes and policies.  Here’s the problem: There are diametrically opposed views, they affect our kids and their schools, emotions are running high, and it is causing rifts and strains in our community, when there should be unity and support.
While I can end this post with resources for counseling and support, I don’t have an easy answer for this community issue.  I do have a request:  as we each consider responding to an idea with which we do not agree, could we please consider that the other person is trying to come from a good place?  There is no need for aggressive, disrespectful, personally hostile messaging.  It’s toxic to you, as you write it, and it’s toxic to our community.  Take a deep breath, when a post agitates you. Try to scroll past it.  And if you can’t, re-read your reply a few times before posting it.  Ask yourself, “is there any good that will come of my post?  Will it change the other person’s mind?  Could I hurt other people on the string of the post?”  Of course, there are people –and “robots” who try to insight us and stir the pot – we, as a community need to stop allowing it.  

This is for the healing of our little haven. 

Some Resources:

The school currently has 10 social workers on staff to spend time with the students, if they go to the media center. They do not need a teacher’s permission. They can go at lunch.

There are group counseling opportunities available for students and family members through the Parkland Resiliency Center. 754-321-HELP

Parkland Cares, website lists several non-profit community counseling resources.

Most private therapists in the area are offering reduced rates


  1. Beth, I'm not a part of your community, but I applaud the excellent advice you offer and the sensitivity with which you offer it. Hoping your community can heal. I think the country is very proud of the kids at MSD, they have been great. Hopefully they will effect change...I think they have a good chance of it!

  2. Very insightful article. As a survivor of 9/11, I know firsthand there’s no right or wrong answer to how one deals with these types of situations. My heart goes out to your community. Sending thoughts and healing prayers to you all.